On the virtues of sensitivity

Long viewed as a form of weakness, sensitivity could prove to be the only, ultimate hope for the survival of the human race

Nov 24, 2023

(HUDSON, N.Y., November 24, 2023) - How many times have you been told, “You’re just too sensitive,” as if that is a bad thing? Children, especially, are often on the receiving end of this judgment at the hands of parents and teachers and their peers who pick up on this attitude from adults who surround them. And those who don’t allow themselves to have their sensitivity beaten out of them or shamed away or suppressed on their way into adulthood continue to fall victim to the cultural assumptions that sensitivity is some sort of weakness, something to be overcome on the way towards being … what? In-sensitive? Un-caring?

How did we get here?

About a half-year ago I wrote a column about being an introvert and how that realization has helped inform a deeper understanding of myself, my life, and choices I have made along the way. The concept of introversion has helped provide a framework and explanation for the narrative of my life, at least as far as I conceive and understand it.

Shortly after I wrote that column, I learned about a lesser-known, related-but-different personality trait called “sensitivity.” Where the key aspect of introversion is the relative balance of energy gained or lost through social engagement, sensitivity, as originally outlined by Dr. Elaine N. Aron in her groundbreaking 1997 book, The Highly Sensitive Person, is more about how a highly stimulating environment affects people with highly sensitive nervous systems. Aron described a collection of personality traits that add up to being a “Highly Sensitive Person,” or an “HSP,” and how once people recognize themselves as HSPs, how they can not only learn to cope with their sensitivity, but how they can use these traits to their advantage.

This past year, a new book called Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World, by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo, has updated and expanded upon Aron’s original work, in ways that make it speak more immediately to our time and place – to the age of social media and the 24-hour news cycle and the ever-growing societal pressures to keep up with, as the subtitle says, a louder, faster, more demanding culture.

Never mind that, as the authors write, “We routinely laud the accomplishments of sensitive souls … even while we try to quash sensitivity itself.” Just as there is something bred into our culture that sees introversion as a “phobia,” as one person close to me recently described my “problem,” the culture, for whatever reason, scorns sensitivity in favor of ruthlessness and aggression.

Sensitivity, the authors write, comes with a huge price to pay, especially for young boys. “He gets shoved in the hallways and mocked at lunch, and gym class may as well be a firing squad,” the authors write. “He cannot admit any of this to his parents, least of all his dad, who told him the way to handle a bully is to punch the person in the face. The boy has never punched anyone.” I read those sentences with astonishment, because they exactly describe my experience, including the wholly inappropriate and tone-deaf response of my father to his son being bullied.

Sensitivity, the authors write, “is often the missing personality trait …. It’s missing from our schools, workplaces, politics, institutions, families, and relationships.” Is it any wonder that in our political arena, discourse has taken on the aspect of schoolyard taunting? That in congressional hearings elected officials challenge witnesses to fisticuffs right in the middle of the hearing itself?

These cultural forces are not the main focus of studies of sensitivity. Rather, an understanding of how sensitivity itself manifests in individuals is where the emphasis is and should be, because there is so much for everyone to learn from highly sensitive persons. Even those who are not necessarily highly sensitive themselves might sympathize with or share certain aspects of sensitivity, particularly environmentally-induced stressors.

Highly sensitive persons feel strong emotions and have a hard time shaking them off. They are like super-sensitive human antennas walking around tuning into other people’s moods, which simultaneously makes them more empathic than the average person but also more vulnerable to the toxic stew of emotions that surround them. They feel stressed and fatigued in loud, busy environments, like crowded shopping malls, concerts, and restaurants, with their bright lights and loud, invasive music or chatter. In response, HSPs need plenty of downtime and quiet time, often finding themselves withdrawing from other people in order to calm their senses and process their thoughts. This is where there tends to be overlap with introverts.

On the other hand, highly sensitive persons are “conscientious, thoughtful, wise, insightful, passionate, or perceptive.” They are self-reflective and deeply moved by art and beauty. Often, “the ability to see patterns and notice key details means that sensitive people are often good at predicting events; they have strong intuition…. Sensitive people are the exception: They see the invisible.”

For the sake of HSPs themselves, but also for the sake of all humanity, sensitivity should be a trait that -- rather than being viewed as something to be overcome -- is something to cultivate and celebrate. What were the seers and healers and prophets of the past if not highly sensitive persons, gifted with empathy and equanimity and the innate knowledge of how to make their environment more calm and peaceful?

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For too long in modern times, success has been measured as the ability to overcome one’s emotions, to conquer the aspects of personality that encourage empathy, to achieve in a society viewed as a battlefield or a zero-sum game. “Our workplaces, schools, and other settings have traditionally favored people who don’t show sensitive traits….”

In this way, sensitivity is not only an important trait – it may well be the trait that ultimately determines how and if the human race survives.

Everything Is Broken

On the virtues of sensitivity

Long viewed as a form of weakness, sensitivity could prove to be the only, ultimate hope for the survival of the human race

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